Donkey Jokes


In what human language did Balaam's Donkey speak?


A man bought a donkey from a preacher. The preacher told the man that
this donkey had been trained in a very unique way, (being the donkey of
a preacher). The only way to make the donkey go, was to say,
"Hallelujah!" The only way to make the donkey stop, was to say, "Amen!"

The man was pleased with his purchase and immediately got on the animal
to try out the preacher's instructions. "Hallelujah!" shouted the man.
The donkey began to trot. "Amen!" shouted the man. The donkey stopped
immediately. "This is great!" said the man. With a "Hallelujah," he rode
off very proud of his new purchase.

The man traveled for a long time through some mountains. Soon he was
heading toward a cliff. He could not remember the word to make the
donkey stop. "Stop," said the man. "Halt!" he cried. The donkey just
kept going. "Oh, no... Bible!....Church!...Please Stop!!" shouted the
man. The donkey just began to trot faster. He was getting closer and
closer to the cliff edge. Finally, in desperation, the man said a
prayer. "Please, dear Lord. Please make this donkey stop before I go off
the end of this mountain, In Jesus name, AMEN."

The donkey came to an abrupt stop just one step from the edge of the cliff.

"HALLELUJAH!", shouted the man.


One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.

He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement he quieted down.

A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up.

As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!

Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a steppingstone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.

The donkey later came back and bit the shit out of the farmer who had tried to bury him. The gash from the bite got infected, and the farmer eventually died in agony from septic shock.


When you do something wrong and try to cover your ass, it always comes back to bite you.


An old man and a little boy on a donkey were on their way into town. They passed by a group of people who said, "What a shame for that old man to be walking while that perfectly able-bodied boy rides that donkey."

So the boy got off the donkey and the old man got on. They later passed by some more people who said," Why should that little boy have to walk when they have a donkey to ride on.

So the little boy got on the donkey and they both rode it. After a while, they passed some more people. They overheard the people say, "That poor donkey must be wore out from carrying both of them."

So the little boy and old man picked up the donkey and started to carry it. They were carrying the donkey across a bridge. The weight of the donkey became just too unbearable and slipped from their grasp and went over the side of the bridge into the water and drowned.

The moral of the story is- If You Try To Please Everyone You'll Eventually Lose Your ASS!


A Cajun named Jean Paul moved to Texas and bought a donkey from an old farmer for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day. The next day the farmer rove up and said, "Sorry, but I got some bad news. The donkey died."

"Well then, just give me my money back."

"Cain't do that. I went and spent it already."

"OK then, just unload the donkey."

"What ya gonna do with em."

"I'm gonna raffle him off."

"Ya cain't raffle off a dead donkey!"

"Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anyone he's dead."

A month later the farmer met up with the Cajun and asked, "What happened with the dead donkey?"

"I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at $2.00 apiece and made a profit of $898.00."

"Didn't no one complain?"

"Just the guy who won. So I gave him his $2.00 back."


A Preacher went to his church office on Monday morning and
discovered a dead donkey in the church yard. He called the
Since there did not appear to be any foul play, the police
referred the Preacher to the health department.
The health department said since there was no health threat
that he should call the sanitation department.
The sanitation manager said he could not pick up the mule
without authorization from the mayor.
Now the Preacher knew the mayor and was not to eager to call
him. The mayor had a bad temper and was generally hard to
deal with, but the Preacher called him anyway.
The mayor did not disappoint. He immediately began to rant &
rave at the pastor and finally said, "Why did you call me any
way? Isn`t it your job to bury the dead?"
The preacher paused for a brief prayer and asked the Lord to
direct his response. He was led to say, "Yes, Mayor, it is my
job to bury the dead, but I always like to notify the next of
kin first!"


A Pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.

The Pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race
Again, and it won.

Again, The local paper read:

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the Pastor
Not to enter the donkey in another race..

The next day, the local paper headline read:

This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the Pastor to get rid
Of the Donkey..

The Pastor decided to give it to a Nun in a nearby Convent..

The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:

The Bishop fainted!
He informed the Nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she
Sold it to a farmer for $10.

The next day the papers read:

This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the

Donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.

The next day the headlines read:

The Bishop was buried the Next day.


Being concerned about public opinion can
Bring you much grief and misery. It can even shorten your life …
… So be yourself and enjoy life to the fullest.

Stoned Off Donkey

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